The World’s Worst Dog
Gadgets & Products

Last year humans world wide spent an estimated US$100 billion on products for dogs. With a market that big is it surprising that some of those products would be, shall we say, sub-optimal?

With that in mind Spot Cool Stuff decided to take one of our occasional breaks in our quest for superlative stuff and look instead for the worst. In this case, the worst dog products we could find.

If you’re more feline inclined don’t feel left out—we’ll review the worst cat gadgets and products in the future. Sign up for our tech RSS feed to get that, and all our tech articles, delivered to you by email. Or join us on Twitter or Facebook, to be notified when that comes out.

Dog-o-matic

Common pet problem:

You want to throw your dirty dog into the washing machine along with your dirty clothes but your local laundromat won’t allow it.

The obvious solution:

Use a Dog-o-matic machine to wash your pet in a similar way you wash your clothes. These automated canine cleaners are currently installed at a laundromat (or, petomat, as the case may be) in Ste Max, France but the inventor has plans to expand internationally. Depending on your pet’s size size, a single washing takes 10 to 20 minutes and costs €15 to €35. Looking at the photos you might get the impression that the Dog-o-matic is a cruel device and that using one would be akin to water boarding your dog, but we assure you—the machine works on cats too.

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Doggles

Common pet problem:

Your dog doesn’t look cool enough strolling South Beach or perusing Paris.

The obvious solution:

Rover is sure to turn heads sporting a pair of Doggles. These canine sunglasses help protect your pouch’s eyes from flying objects, wind and UV rays. We wonder how dogs possibly survived their 15,000 years on the planet before Doggles arrived.

Combine Doggles with a scarf for the perfect World War II flying ace costume.

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Puppy Tweets

Common pet problem:

Your dog has important 140-character long thoughts to share with the world but lacks the dexterity to type updates on Twitter.

The obvious solution:

A $30 Puppy Tweets pendant allows Rover to interface with the world’s most popular micro-blogging site without lifting a paw.

Rover’s owner, however, will need to do some set-up. First, install the free software (it comes in Mac and PC) and sign Rover up for a Twitter account. Then plug the USB receiver into your internet-connected computer and attach the Puppy Tweets pendant to Rover’s collar.

After set-up, Puppy Tweets does the rest. The special pendant “senses” your dog’s barks and movements. Then, supposedly, it uses that information to send out the most appropriate of 500 pre-written tweets. Those include:

One man’s trash is another dog’s treasure.

I’m still waiting for an apology for wiping my kisses off your face. **sniff** : (

My “puppy-dog eyes” seem to have no effect on the pantry door.

Never mind that you might not have a pantry door, tweets of that caliber deserve to be sent out over and over and over and over . . . and will be with Puppy Tweets. Check out @MetrosMutt and @DogRide for more examples. And, of course, you should also follow @SpotCoolStuff—we can promise not to bite.

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Dogbrella

Common pet problem:

When walking outside with your dog it is of the utmost importance that your pooch stay dry but it doesn’t matter whether you get wet.

The obvious solution:

Head out into the rain with a Dogbrella—an inverse umbrella one points downwards towards your dog. With a Dogbrella your pooch will stay dry. Or, at least it maybe would stay dry if your dog walked right next to you. And if the cord inside the Dogbrella attached to your dog’s collar (as shown in the photo); as it is, the cord has no clip to make this attachment.

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Innobitz JooZoo – Dog MP3 Player

Common pet problem:

Your pup loves hearing MP3s of relaxing nature sounds but is embarrassed by the lack of gold and diamonds on your stereo system.

The obvious solution:

For the low, low price for US$1,500 you can buy Rover a Innobitz JooZoo to attach to his collar. The JooZoo is exactly like an iPod with speakers. Except the JooZoo costs slightly more. And it doesn’t have a screen. And it’s shaped like a heart. And it’s covered in 18k gold and diamonds. And it only plays theoretically stress-relieving New Age music.

The JooZoo is currently only available in select high-end stores in South Korea. At the time of writing Innobitz was still working on launching their website, presumably because the profit margin on each JooZoo is so low that the company can’t afford to develop one.

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Air Press DOGS O₂

Common pet problem:

The Earth’s atmosphere does not suit your dog’s breathing needs.

The obvious solution:

The awkwardly-named DOGS O2, from Japanese manufacturer Air Press, provides a hyperbaric chamber in which your dog can lap up pure oxygen. Michael Jackson often used hyperbaric chambers, so you know you want your dog to use one too.

According to Air Press, placing a pet inside a DOGS O2 for 30 minutes per day will maintain his “vismedicatix,” produce rapid recovery from injury, increase fitness levels and relieve stress. And what could be less stressful for a dog than putting him in a small enclosed glass tube?

DOGS O2 is available in three sizes, priced from ¥1,600,000 (around US$20,000) to ¥2,480,000. Vismedicatix monitor not include.

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Hot Doll

Common pet problem:

There are plenty of chair legs, people legs, stuffed animals, real animals, cushions, shoes and postal workers around, but that doesn’t provide a large enough variety of objects for your dog to hump.

The obvious solution:

The Hot Doll is an especially ergonomic, humpable piece of plastic designed specifically for dogs. (And people, please, ONLY for dogs!). It is the world’s first canine sex toy, and so naturally it invented in France. Among the benefits of the Hot Doll is its rear receptacle—it’s supposedly very hygienic for the dog. Whether it is hygienic for the dog’s owner to clean out is a different matter.

The video below is, thankfully, family friendly.

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8 Highly Unusual Items You Can Buy on Amazon.com ← really!
MoBA: The Museum of Bad Art
Pet Airways: The Airline That’s Gone to the Dogs, Birds and Cats
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